Jane & Rob
We were on parentprofiles.com for three months when our birthmother contacted us. We "clicked" right away. I was always nervous about the internet because we aren't as young as some couples or as "photogenic." But our birthmom was able to learn who we are. She loved that we were able to describe the things we do as a family; what our priorities are; and who we are as people. We more ...
With each birthday and holiday that comes and goes, it can be a time of sadness and forlornness. You will think about your child every time, and it can be difficult for any birth parent who can't be with his/her child. Depending on the type of adoption that is in place (open, closed, or semi-open/semi-closed), it can be harder on some birth parents than others. If you have an open adoption, talk to the adoptive parents about participating in holiday and family events and celebrations. Discuss this well in advance so that all parties are completely comfortable with the situation. This is a topic that should generally be discussed prior to the finalization of the adoption. If this is going to be a major factor in your life, you'll want to straighten out all the details beforehand.
If you have established contact with your child's adoptive parents, ask them if you can send a gift, card, or a letter for a special occasion, just to let your child know you're thinking of him/her. Some adoptive parents will be perfectly fine with this idea. Others will not. Remember that this can be a difficult situation for everyone involved. That's why it is important to make sure everyone feels comfortable and at ease with the end decision.
If spending time with your child's adoptive family isn't possible, there are still ways you can celebrate the memory of your child and the time you've had with him/her. While for some this may not be ideal, it is a great way to preserve the memories you cherish and move forward with hope and happiness.
Celebrate birthdays and holidays with your family, friends, and loved ones. You can still have a special birthday celebration to remember your child. Go through your journal, scrapbook, hospital memorabilia, and anything else you have that reminds you of your child. Remember the journey you have been on and all the ups and downs, positives and negatives. Find creative ways to celebrate holidays and birthdays while incorporating your child's memory. Have fun with it and cherish your memories.
If this is a more private occasion for you, that's perfectly acceptable as well. Take the evening to do what you feel you need to do. Reflect on the time you spent with your child. There isn't one right way to get through or to celebrate holidays and birthdays after placing your child. It is all about what works best for you, what helps you along your life, and what helps you through your path of healing, acceptance, and love.