Brian & Sophia
We went live on parent profiles on 9/8/09. Our birth mother originally contacted us on 9/21/09 but we lost touch. She reconnected with us on 12/11/09 and we got the paperwork out to her. I was speaking on the phone with her on 12/16/09 and we were planning where we wanted to go for lunch that next weekend so we could meet each other, when she went into labor (6 weeks early)! Within the more ...
With each birthday and holiday that comes and goes, it can be a time of sadness and forlornness. You will think about your child every time, and it can be difficult for any birth parent who can't be with his/her child. Depending on the type of adoption that is in place (open, closed, or semi-open/semi-closed), it can be harder on some birth parents than others. If you have an open adoption, talk to the adoptive parents about participating in holiday and family events and celebrations. Discuss this well in advance so that all parties are completely comfortable with the situation. This is a topic that should generally be discussed prior to the finalization of the adoption. If this is going to be a major factor in your life, you'll want to straighten out all the details beforehand.
We wanted to start off by first simply saying thank you – thank you for making the decision that you did, thank you for your time spent reading our profile and thank you for your help in helping to complete our family!
If you have established contact with your child's adoptive parents, ask them if you can send a gift, card, or a letter for a special occasion, just to let your child know you're thinking of him/her. Some adoptive parents will be perfectly fine with this idea. Others will not. Remember that this can be a difficult situation for everyone involved. That's why it is important to make sure everyone feels comfortable and at ease with the end decision.
If spending time with your child's adoptive family isn't possible, there are still ways you can celebrate the memory of your child and the time you've had with him/her. While for some this may not be ideal, it is a great way to preserve the memories you cherish and move forward with hope and happiness.
Celebrate birthdays and holidays with your family, friends, and loved ones. You can still have a special birthday celebration to remember your child. Go through your journal, scrapbook, hospital memorabilia, and anything else you have that reminds you of your child. Remember the journey you have been on and all the ups and downs, positives and negatives. Find creative ways to celebrate holidays and birthdays while incorporating your child's memory. Have fun with it and cherish your memories.
If this is a more private occasion for you, that's perfectly acceptable as well. Take the evening to do what you feel you need to do. Reflect on the time you spent with your child. There isn't one right way to get through or to celebrate holidays and birthdays after placing your child. It is all about what works best for you, what helps you along your life, and what helps you through your path of healing, acceptance, and love.