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Richard & Caryn
Advertising with ParentProfiles.com turned out to be our ace in the hole. At first, we weren't even sure that internet advertising would yield positive results. But, we took a chance and signed up for the premium package. After 4 months of receiving no contacts, we eventually did get responses. As we screened birthmothers we found the process heartbreaking and difficult. Yet, we perservered, determined that our "meant to be child" was waiting for us. After more ...
Creating and Respecting Boundaries
Creating and maintaining a healthy, working adoption relationship requires creating and respecting boundaries. You cannot have one without the other. All sides of the adoption triad have their own life experiences, opinions, perceptions, and sensitivities. Because of this, sensitivity and empathy are necessary to have a healthy adoption relationship with other members of the triad. The first rule is to understand the other person and empathize with them as best you can.
Boundaries are specific to the individual. Something that may be perfectly acceptable to one person is offensive to another--particularly adoption language. You'll find that when you're trying to cultivate a meaningful adoption relationship, the wrong use of adoption language can get in the way. It's always a good idea to ask which adoption terms are preferred before having an in-depth conversation. This shows respect and concern for the other party.
Like most things in this life, communication is crucial and necessary for relationships of any kind. When creating boundaries, communicate your needs to all other members of the adoption triad. Let them know what makes you feel uncomfortable and what is acceptable. This is an important step, a crucial step.
In order to maintain a relationship by respecting boundaries, it is important to reassess the situation regularly. Every so often, get together with the other members of the adoption triad. You'll find that your boundaries and the boundaries of the others have changed, morphed, and progressed. The decided-upon boundaries will need to be re-evaluated to make sure every person in the triad is comfortable with moving forward. Reaffirmation of boundaries will demonstrate your desire to have a healthy adoption relationship.
As a review, here are the basic steps to establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries in a healthy relationship. These even extend outside the realm of adoption. It is applicable for all relationships:
- Determine your own boundaries.
- Vocalize your boundaries.
- Listen and understand the other person's boundaries.
- Come to a common understanding and agreement after your discussion of boundaries.
- Live within those relationship boundaries.
- Re-evaluate those boundaries a little while down the road.
- Start the process all over again.
By establishing boundaries and respecting everyone involved in the adoption process and in the adoption triad, you will find that worthwhile and beneficial relationships are within reach.
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