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Brian & Sophia
We went live on parent profiles on 9/8/09. Our birth mother originally contacted us on 9/21/09 but we lost touch. She reconnected with us on 12/11/09 and we got the paperwork out to her. I was speaking on the phone with her on 12/16/09 and we were planning where we wanted to go for lunch that next weekend so we could meet each other, when she went into labor (6 weeks early)! Within the more ...
Failed Birth Control
Experiencing an unplanned pregnancy due to failed birth control can be a time of confusion, vulnerability, uncertainty, and fear. It can feel like uncharted territory, where you're unsure of what's waiting for you around the next corner. Or, you may not know how to proceed because you didn't have time to prepare. For some, it is easier to take it one step at a time. The coming weeks and months of your journey should consist of three main goals or steps:
1. Understanding your situation:
Firstly, there are a many reasons why birth control can fail. For those who use the barrier method of birth control, the condom can rip, tear, or break during or after sexual intercourse. Most condom producers advertise that their condoms are in the 90th percentile of effectiveness, just for the possibility of tearing. That percentage, of course, is based on using the condom correctly and consistently.
If you take an oral contraceptive, missing even one dose of birth control can raise your risk of an unplanned pregnancy. That's why it's important to take your birth control pill around the same time each day. Even if you do take your birth control pill regularly, correctly, and consistently, it isn't 100% effective. There will always be the risk of experiencing an unplanned pregnancy for those who are sexually active, no matter which form of birth control is used.
While you may feel alone during this time, you're not. There are many resources and people available to you that can help you more fully understand your situation. Support groups are a great place to start. You have the option of visiting a local support group or joining one online. Through your support group participation, you'll discover many others who have been through a similar situation and those who are currently in the same situation. They can offer you the support and understanding you need. The only way to get the most out of attending a support group is to be actively involved and completely open and honest about your situation, your concerns, and your needs.
You may find the idea of sharing your story with a room full of strangers to be overwhelming or intimidating. If so, consider visiting a professional counselor or therapist. Working one-on-one can help you feel more comfortable with sharing your situation. By honestly and openly sharing with your counselor, he or she can help you get a firmer grasp on your situation and how to help you move forward.
2. Exploring your many options
One of the most important things to remember during the coming weeks and months is that you have options. And this is a time to fully explore those options. As mentioned above, participating in a support group or speaking with a professional counselor can help you understand some of your options. Or, generally, just talking with others who have experienced similar situations can be beneficial--even if that's outside of an official support group. They can be family members, friends, or online acquaintances. Speaking with others about your situation doesn't mean that you have to agree with everything that is said. It's crucial that you take everything you learn and use that information to make your final decision.
There are also many great, informational sites online that can help you understand each of your options. Research what each options will mean for you, your baby, and your life. What are the associated processes or expectations with each option? What are the possible consequences to each option? With which option would you be comfortable for the many years to come? Experiencing an unplanned pregnancy leaves you with three main options: adoption, parenting, and terminating the pregnancy. Perhaps you'd like to eventually parent, but you don't feel that the present is the right time for you to do so. You have the options of temporary foster care or kinship care. If it is court ordered, you will most likely have some goals to achieve before you are again granted custody.
It's important as you progress down the road of exploring your options that you don't let anyone force you to make a certain decision. You shouldn't feel pressured into making a decision that you're not ready to make. This decision needs to be your decision. Feedback from loved ones is very important to the decision-making process for some. Even so, don't let feedback or advice become coercion.
3. Making an informed decision
The best decision that you could ever make is an informed decision. Use all your research and the specifics of your situation to guide you to the right choice for you and your growing child. It doesn't matter which end decision you choose. If you are confident and comfortable in your decision and you feel that it is the right decision for your specific situation, it is time to move forward. Start the journey you've chosen. If you feel unsure or uncomfortable with your decision, and you're still able to change your mind, reevaluate your choice and your situation. It's important to your emotional progression that you're in harmony with your decision.
However, if you've made your decision and it's too late to stop or reverse the process, there is support available to you. The same support that you used to understand your situation of failed birth control and an unplanned pregnancy can be just as beneficial during this third step: join a support group and visit with a professional counselor or therapist. Remember, it is possible to heal emotionally. It may take hard work, patience, and a lot of time, but it can be done.
A pregnancy resulting from failed birth control will leave you with a lot of questions and concerns. Remember that you're not alone. You're not stuck. You have options, and it's important that you sort through your options. Your pregnancy may not have been planned, but that doesn't mean that you can't start making plans now. Life is about progression of self. Take what you've learned during this time and grow from it. Progress. Heal. Love.
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