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Doug & Heather
We are so thankful for ParentProfiles.com! We waited for 2 1/2 years by using an adoption attorney and an agency with not much results. We were on ParentProfiles.com for just 6 months and found our birthparents. There were ups and downs through the process. But in the end, we connected with the best birthparents for us! We loved the exposure and the contact we were able to have with the more ...
Unplanned Pregnancy, Labor and Delivery, Adoption Hospital Stay, Birth Mother, Birth Father
While mothers who choose to parent their children get to keep all of the hospital keepsakes, documents, and memorabilia, it isn't always the case with women who choose to place their children with adoptive families. The main problem is that both sets of parents--biological and adoptive--want the keepsakes and important documents. However, it's impossible to please everyone when it comes to this issue. It basically comes down to a compromise.
We would like you to know what a wonderful blessing you are to our family. We've been praying for you & this wonderful child. We’ve known that we were going to adopt since we married & can’t thank you enough for making our dreams of parenthood come true.
Some of the hospital keepsakes, memorabilia, and documents may include the following:
- Hospital bracelet
- Birth certificate or paper with the ink footprints
- Baby hat
- Baby blanket
- Crib card
- Baby's first bottle
- Newborn pictures
The outcome of who gets to keep what is dependent upon everyone involved--you, adoptive family, and hospital staff. If hospital keepsakes are important to you, consider including it in your adoption birth plan. This can help everyone involved remember your needs and desires during this experience. After you've included which hospital keepsakes you'd like to keep, talk with the adoptive family--only if the type of adoption you've chosen encourages contact. Chances are the adoptive family has a few keepsakes in mind, too. Discuss your needs openly, and give the same opportunity to the adoptive family. Compromise is necessary to maintain a healthy post-adoption relationship.
Sometimes the staff at adoption-friendly hospitals can make the distribution of important keepsakes fair and balanced, which in turn makes for a more friendly and happy environment. The birth certificate with the footprints, for instance, can be copied. This allows both families to have that important keepsake. Some members of the hospital staff may even be willing to make duplicates of the hospital bracelet and the newborn photos. If you never ask, you'll never know.
Throughout this experience, you'll find that some people will try to make you feel guilty for wanting to keep your baby's first bottle or blanket. Don't let them. There is no reason to feel guilty. It's natural to want a piece of your experience, a tangible memory. The problem arises when someone wants all the memorabilia to himself/herself. That's when it becomes selfish. Because it's a unique experience for both the biological family and the adoptive family, both should compromise and share in the keepsakes.
While the hospital keepsakes are important and valuable, remember that you can create your own. Take pictures of everything and then scrapbook or frame those photos. Create your own keepsakes that you don't have to share or even compromise on. This can relieve a lot of tension during your hospital stay. That isn't to say you should give up all the keepsakes so you can create your own. Have a healthy balance of both. Encourage the adoptive family to do the same.
The hospital visit can be a time of both joy and pain. Finally delivering your child is a happy time, but it can be painful to know that your child will be placed with a different family. Even though you made the choice to place, it doesn't make it any easier when the time actually comes. Remember that's it normal and natural to feel both pain and joy. It's just a part of the experience. But know that you made the choice you felt was best. Be confident, and move forward with hope and happiness.
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