Gina & Al
Our fairy tale ending! Our dreams of adopting were beginning to seem elusive after more than a year of searching for our angel, so when our adoption phone rang in late April--a week before our Parent Profile subscription was due to expire--our hearts were hopeful that our dreams might finally be coming true. Sure enough, on April 24 at 3:24 PM, our miracle arrived with the birth of our beautiful son, James Anthony. Now our more ...
Placing your child with another family is heart-wrenching and difficult. It isn't an easy task--no matter the situation. Because everyone is different, each person needs to deal with their emotions and say goodbye to their child in his/her own way. There isn't a right or a wrong way to say your goodbyes. You just have to find the method that works for you personally. The first hard decision you made was whether or not to place your child for adoption. Now that you've made that decision, the next hardest part is saying goodbye.
For some birth parents it is easier to proceed as soon as possible. They prefer not to linger on the situation so they can move on. Again, there is no right or wrong way to say your goodbye. It all depends on what you can handle and how much emotional and mental stress you can deal with effectively. Some birth parents give their child to the hospital staff immediately following the labor and birth. You may find this to be the easiest approach. Even still, some prefer to give their child to the adoptive parents themselves.
Another approach to saying goodbye to your child is through a celebration of life. One way to do this is through a placement ceremony. You can take some time to bond and make memories with your child. You have the choice to make it a private moment--just you and the baby--or surrounded by your supportive loved ones. You can make many beautiful moments to remember for the rest of your life.
Gathering your friends and family around your child is also a great way to say goodbye, but still keep your child in your heart. Show them the photos or videos you took during your hospital stay. Tell them your anecdotes and share your feelings. This is a powerful way to show those around you the major sacrifice to place your beautiful child with another family--a family, perhaps, that may provide more life opportunities. Remember that a placement ceremony is about appreciating the life you brought into this world. The life that grew inside of you and now is with a loving family that can provide for and love. It is a celebration of making the hard and difficult decisions because of the strong love for your child.
If you need more support or help, find a support group. You will meet many people who have been where you are currently. They have experience in what you're going through, which methods worked best for them, and how to progress through life with hope and happiness. For additional help working through saying goodbye, consider seeing a professional counselor. They can help you understand your feelings, and accept them. Saying goodbye is a difficult thing when you love someone. You will ache and hurt, but it is important to accept the decision you've made and move forward from there, one step at a time.