All About Us & Our Extended Family
Our marriage has been a dream come true. When we first met through our jobs, Gary was a police officer in a child abuse unit and I was an advocate for children who had suffered physical child abuse and neglect. Children have been at the center of our relationship from the very beginning.
When we finally had that first real date after about a year of working together, romance budded quickly. We were married in a huge church ceremony four months later. A lot of people thought we were crazy to go that fast, but we each knew exactly what we wanted and needed in a spouse.
After eleven great years of marriage, we are still going strong! We feel more in love with every passing day and continue to be a strong team in every area of our lives.
We were both raised in Florida, and we both have family ties to the state of Georgia going back generations. We grew up with good Southern cooking, and surrounded by Southern accents and Southern hospitality. Gary is a true Southern gentleman. In this tradition, we hope all of our children will learn and practice graciousness and quiet strength.
Since I was a little girl I always pictured myself as being the mother of at least three, in a cheerful home with lots of laughter, love, and activity. After two easy pregnancies and a truly joy-filled time raising our first two babies, and after four full years of trying for another, Gary and I found out that we were medically unable to conceive any more children. We have the laughter, love, and activity part -- it has just always felt like someone was missing.
We continued to feel that strong yearning for another child and started learning about adoption. We have been on the waiting list to take the required foster care system class for over a year now, but the start date for that is nowhere in sight. That process is taking way too long for us, and the recent budget cuts haven't helped. So we have decided to pursue private adoption.
We are all so excited about adopting, it truly feels like this was the way it was always meant to be.
More About Clarissa:
I (Clarissa) have a doctorate degree and for the past 7 years have owned a very successful business that helps families experiencing different social and economic problems. I would describe myself as an energetic, enthusiastic, very positive and strong person who puts her family first and loves to learn. I am goal-oriented but not overly ambitious. I think I have my priorities straight, and I see my work as a means to provide well for my family and to help others.
When I was growing up, I was pretty much a serious nerd, always with my nose in a book and very competitive in school. I did get a taste of the other side of life when I made the cheerleading squad, much to everyone's surprise, in the 11th grade. I went on to cheer in college too, although I also had academic scholarships, and that was a very good time.
Other hobbies I used to enjoy before my kids became my favorite hobby were sewing, crocheting, and knitting. I was a nanny in college and in graduate school I spent a lot of time with kids as an inner-city tutor. In between those times I was a volunteer guardian ad litem for abused and neglected children for a couple of years. I always loved kids. My sister and brother are a decade younger than I am, so I feel like I got to play a big role in raising them before I went away to college.
Since I now own my own company, I control my work schedule, and because I have terrific employees who keep my business thriving, I am able to work from home much of the time. I have the flexibility to be with my children all the times they are not in school, and then some -- I can volunteer in their classrooms, go on every field trip, be home with them when they are sick, and plan extra-special birthday parties.
When our new child arrives, I plan to be home with him or her for a long time, and then to continue to work from home as needed. I know that Grandma will be on eager standby if I need to be away for a couple of hours for any reason.
My wish is that I can be a strong role model for the kids, especially my present and future daughter, as a successful working mom. I have always admired my own working mother so much. She taught me a lot about toughness and balancing life priorities, and she was the best role model I could ever have.
With the help of several guardian angels along the way (including my great-grandparents, my sixth-grade teacher, and a college friend), I have overcome some tragedy and challenges earlier in my life. This has given me a true sense of how blessed our family is, and also of what I need to teach my kids and give them in the way of family and spiritual support so that they will be able to survive whatever life throws at them, and to thrive.
I also want all of my kids to be wise and strong enough to help others in life, in the way that many others have helped me.
More About Gary:
Gary is a supervisor in law enforcement with a college degree in criminal justice. He was previously in the Army, as were his father and big brother, and after he completed his military service, he followed his father and brother into law enforcement.
He was a terrific athlete in high school who played baseball and football. He was famous in his day for hitting baseballs out of the park. He grew up in a very strict Christian household but had a rebel streak in him, which I still see every once in awhile now, and which I have to admit is one of the many things I love about him. He later got into the elite Army Airborne Division and jumped out of planes while in that unit.
He is a big, strong, protective, loving, teddy bear of a man. When we met, I was first attracted to him because of his driven commitment to putting child abusers in prison, and to his wonderful masculine voice. I joke that I also liked his nice handwriting, which is true.
Gary is his own man. He does not play politics, or tell people just what they want to hear. He stands behind the people he cares about, and the people who work under him, even if he puts himself at risk in the process. He is a man of his word, and he never lets anybody down. He gives everyone the benefit of the doubt. He is still guided by his Biblical upbringing, and he likes to read Scripture excerpts every day.
Even though he has been promoted out of his department's child abuse unit, Gary still carries stuffed animals in the trunk of his police car to hand out to children he meets during various domestic violence and other calls. He has always had a special place in his heart for children.
He has such a warm personality and is extremely popular in the community. He is steady as a rock and very protective of our family. He makes us all feel so safe and secure.
We have been true equal partners in raising the little ones and doing housework. He often cooks, does dishes, and folds laundry; I watch Brad volunteering to push the vacuum cleaner sometimes and think what a great role model Gary is, and how appreciative Brad’s future wife will be someday! Gary also spends a couple of hours every day outside with the kids playing with the dog, watching them skate and ride their bikes and scooters, and playing ball and frisbee with them.
I like to be the one to primarily handle the homework supervision and bedtime routines, but Gary is the best bedtime story-teller -- the kids roll with laughter over his stories about his childhood.
More About How We Parent & the Children:
We are laid back people. We do not practice corporal punishment with our children. We enforce safety rules and the need to show respect for others, and on the rare occasion we need to reinforce the message, we just use "quiet time" or temporarily take away a privilege. We never withhold food or special toys like stuffed animals that are dear to the kids, or anything extreme like that.
Both kids are gentle and sensitive. Brad is extremely outgoing, and Caroline is more shy. Both are patient, very sweet, and instructive with their younger cousins. They have been asking us for over a year about when they are going to get "their" sister and/or brother. They are so eager to have another little person or people to play with, guide, and love.
Caroline's favorite activity is ballet, and we have supported her interest by enrolling her in the best classes available in our community. She's already on pointe shoes and a veteran performer; it is so much fun watching her on stage, and our whole extended family comes out to every show of course. She is also quite a writer -- we bind her great stories into books to keep forever -- and she loves crafts, mostly creating special cards for people and designing games to play with Brad. And the girl loves to shop!
Brad enjoys playing sports year-round -- football, basketball, baseball, and soccer. Gary laughs because I am the ultimate crazy cheerleader mom. (I once offered to tone it down, worried I was embarrassing Brad or distracting him with all my sideline encouragement, but much to my relief he said, "No Mom, I like it.") He has also become interested in piano, so we started those lessons in December. Most of the time he just wants to be building something out of Legos, blocks, and Transformer parts, and he comes up with some pretty cool ideas.
We believe kids should always have a hobby or activity going on that they love to boost their self-esteem, and that the kids should get to decide what they want to pursue. It is our job to just back them 100% with attention, support, time, and the best instruction our budget will allow.
Our next child or children will enjoy this same full-blown support, whatever interests they may develop throughout childhood.
We want to provide all of our kids with opportunities to try new things, meet new friends, and to grow and learn in life. We joined a country club last year so that the kids could swim, play tennis or golf, and go to special summer camp activities there as they grow. But we go to everything with them! We are not the "drop-off" kind of parents and have never used a babysitter other than Grandma.
We enjoy hearing the kids talk about their higher education and career goals, even at these early ages. We want all of them to enjoy the best in life now and when they grow up, and we want to give them every advantage that parents and a strong family life can offer.
We are both social people who enjoy a large sphere of friends from all walks of life. We want our kids to be able to fit in anywhere they go in life, to know how to relate to people, to empathize with what others are going through, and to be able to someday perhaps enjoy the benefit of the social and professional connections we have forged.
Probably because we both grew up in low-income homes where groceries were sometimes scarce and there was no money to spare for anything other than necessities, Gary and I do have a tendency to want our kids to have the good life. We enjoy spoiling them, taking them on vacations around the country several times a year, buying them nice clothes, and getting them surprise toys and books when they have earned them by bringing home great grades or doing chores. Our house is full of books, and the kids are both strong readers.
Other Members of Our Family
Both kids are super students, and I give my mom, Betty, most of the credit for making all of her grandkids feel so excited about school. She lives ten minutes up the road from us. She is an extremely fit, active, and involved grandmother who has been teaching elementary school for almost forty years. She teaches at the school the kids attend, hand-picks the finest teachers for them, and keeps a watchful eye over them during the school day and sometimes after school.
Mom is very excited about the idea of us adopting a child. She is scheduled to retire in May of 2009, and the timing of that is perfect, as she wanted to be completely free when our new child arrives so she can have extra time with her or him.
She never misses any grandchild’s sports event, chorus performance, ballet recital, anything. She is always stopping by to bring the kids treats, or taking them someplace special, or wanting us to all come over for dinner. She is the best.
My sister Amy is also married to a police officer and they live in a spacious, rural, woodsy area. They are huge animal and nature lovers who have no kids of their own, so they give our children lots of attention and create "outdoor adventures" for them during visits. My brother Ryan and his wife Jennifer live 15 minutes away with their little boys, so we all spend a couple of nights a week meeting at Grandma's house for dinner. I also have an adult cousin (also married to a police officer!) with great kids an hour away. She and her husband host big family barbeques a couple of times a year, and they join us for holiday celebrations.
Sadly, Gary's mom Mary died from breast cancer before I met him. She was a strong, Christian woman whose Bible-based priorities have had a lasting effect upon all of her children. His dad lives up in the Georgia mountains. He is a doting Grandpa ("Papa"), and we take the kids up to visit him as often as possible. Gary's sister Elaine also lives in Georgia with her children as well, so we enjoy large family gatherings when we are there. Gary's brother Greg and his sweet wife Gloria and their family live in a neighboring county; in their extended family they have children ages 2 through 14. All of the cousins have a ball playing together.
We consider our pets to be members of our family – we have a 3-year-old Golden Retriever named Cupcake Evangeline who is such a sweet dog, and a cat named Sparkle Tangerine who we have had since he was a kitten, who is also very gentle with the kids. We also have a bird named Natalie. It is heart-warming to see the kids caring for their pets, playing with them, and snuggling with them on the couch or at bedtime.
More About Our Life Together & Family Activities
We are pretty easy-going people with a comforting, easy-going household. Life is just too short. Gary and I had very rigid households with strict rules and punishments during certain stages of our childhoods, and that is just not what we want for any of our children.
We believe home should be a place to relax and be yourself, a safe and peaceful haven. The kids have little chores they need to do, but for us, school work and spending quality time together as a family always come first.
We love to be at home together. We have a four-bedroom, two-story, ranch-style home with high wood ceilings and wood floors, and we have decorated it with lots of large rugs and warm colors. Our friends jokingly call it "The Moose Lodge," because while they all live in pastel, stucco Florida-style homes, with all the wood in it, our house feels like you're inside a cozy mountain cabin. It definitely has character.
Our family room and back screened porch are always decorated with twinkle lights -- we just change the style and colors of the lights depending upon what holiday or season it is. We celebrate every season and occasion! Whenever it's the least bit cold, we build a fire in the fireplace because we love the cozy way it feels.
We are lucky to have one of the the biggest yards in our neighborhood, and we are situated right on a peaceful part of a golf course, so we have a scenic view. It is an older, safe, established neighborhood with a lot of trees and shrubbery, and with plenty of walking trails, other children, and playgrounds nearby.
We have big plans to someday add a giant pool, waterfall, and slide onto the back of our house, but due to safety concerns, we are going to wait until all of our kids are into middle school and are strong swimmers. At that time, we also hope to add a mother-in-law suite and to persuade Grandma to come live with us.
Our family lifestyle revolves a lot around enjoying the best of Florida living. We spend a lot of time together at the beach, boating in the nearby river, and playing in pools. We like long bike rides, nature walks in the woods, and visiting playgrounds. We love being out in the Florida sunshine and fresh air together.
Also, we spend a lot of long weekends at the nearby Disney World parks and resorts, our favorites being the Fort Wilderness Lodge and campground. The kids can't wait to take their new brother or sister to the Magic Kingdom someday.
Every day right after school, before other activities kick in, we watch the kids play outside in our big yard, or we go over to the playground. Our garage is filled with sports equipment, kites, bikes, helmets, skateboards, scooters, chalk, pogo sticks, stilts, bubbles, you name it. This is a special time of day because we get to hear all about what happened at school, and everyone gets to unwind a bit.
Caroline is a big fan of the Food Network channel and loves to cook, so she helps us out in the kitchen whenever she's in the mood. When homework is out of the way during the week, we either watch TV together, snuggle up to read books together, play board games with hot chocolate and snacks, or just sit around in our pajamas and talk until bedtime.
Saturdays we are usually busy with fun activities like ball games, dance class, going to birthday parties, shopping or doing special school or home decorating projects together. We eat out together -- everyone gets to take turns picking the restaurant -- and we usually watch a family movie together when we get home. It's a very fun day.
Sundays are our days just to relax and to physically and spiritually prepare for the next week. We all sleep as late as we can, attend church whenever possible, plan our lunches and dinners for the coming week, organize backpacks and school work, cook together, do laundry and some other housework together, play games, and get to bed early for the new week. It is a treasured day for us. We have come to realize how important having this routine is for all of us, and it has helped us all maximize what we are able to accomplish during the next week.
We have big, well-planned birthday parties for the kids, and we love holidays! Our favorite, besides Christmas of course, is the Fourth of July. Every year our extended family gathers at a riverfront park for an all-day Fourth of July event -- we picnic, visit the nearby carnival, listen to patriotic music all day from a live orchestra, and snuggle up at night together in our lawn chairs for the fireworks.
Every year the orchestra plays songs from each branch of the military and they ask veterans from each branch to stand up during their special song. We all always get a huge kick out of loudly screaming for Gary and waving our little flags when he stands up with the other veterans during the Army song! The kids really look forward to that each year. It always gives me goosebumps.
Also, all of us really enjoy musicals, whether live on a stage or on TV, and we go to see them together whenever a new one comes into our area or is on TV. We think this will probably be the family activity that the kids most remember when they get older. It's very exciting to watch live performers on a stage, and we love talking about each show for weeks afterward.