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It was an exciting weekend for us! It was Steve's big 30 birthday, his favorite football team won their game 59-0 and we found out that he passed the bar exam! He has been interviewing for some really great jobs and we should hear back in a week or two. That means we'll should be moving into a new home as planned. We've already been looking for new furniture and at a few houses in the area. We've found a couple that we like, but we haven't made any decisions yet, but soon. Meanwhile, I've been working and saving money at my job and I still really love it, but I definitely look forward to being a mom and taking care of a precious little one.

My baby niece is growing up so quickly. She'll be 3 months old in two days. I can hardly believe it. She cries more than any baby I've ever seen, but the doctors say she is healthy. She is so cute and funny when she sneezes. Right after she sneezes she makes a cute little baby coo sound. Steve's parents can't get enough of her. They get frustrated that they can't be with her more often. They make us promise to let them hold our baby (when he or she comes) all the time. My mother-in-law had a hard time having children and wasn't able to start a family until later in life so she is VERY ready to be a grandma and wants to be VERY involved and spoil her grandchildren. She even suggested moving us all into her house and putting the crib in her room. I think she was mostly kidding.

Everyone tells me just to be patient and when the time is right, it will all come together. I'm sure they are right, but I'm still anxious and excited for when the time does come.

The other day I watched the movie "Juno" and cried when I saw Jennifer Garner hold her adopted son for the first time. The birth grandmother saw her holding the baby and Jennifer asked how she looked as a mother. The birth grandmother's response make me laugh and cry at the same time because I'm sure that's how I'll look too. Scared, overwhelmed, but happier than I've ever been.

Ok, so I'm much better at scrap booking and emailing than I am at keeping up in this journal. So many things have happened in the last few months. We've had a few contacts from some nice birth families, but nothing has worked out yet. This was very difficult for us, but we're in for the long haul. Hopefully not too much longer of a wait though. Waiting for the unknown is the most difficult of any task.

The good news is, Steve has now graduated from law school. He has been studying his heart out to prepare for taking the bar exam. His test is in just a few days. I'm sure he'll do just fine, but it is still a little scary to have so much pressure. I'm so proud of him to stick to it and finish college. He'll be able to be an even better provider for our family now.

On July 26th Steve and I will be celebrating our wedding anniversary. We wanted to do something special, but we also want to save as much money as we can for a baby just in case. I'm surprising Steve this time for our anniversary. He'll be so surprised-he has no idea what's coming. I love planning suprises for him.

Its been fun looking for a new house. We're hoping for that in the next 2-3 months. Not that I enjoy moving, but we have great friends and family to help us so it isn't as bad as it may seem.

I'm so excited I started a new job. I absolutely love it. All of the people I work with are great and are very supportive of our future adoption. They all know family comes first. We live in a wonderful community of people who are supportive of adoption and family.

Steve's brother and his wife had their first baby a few weeks ago. We're so happy for them. They have waited just as long as we have for a baby (5 years). We're hoping that our sweet little niece will have a cousin to grow up with soon!

Last night Steve was so sweet. He had me sit between his legs and gave me a nice long shoulder massage. It felt so nice after a long day at work. He is always doing nice things like that for me. I know people say that after years of being married they still love each other the same, but I love Steve so much more now that I did when we were first married. It is hard to even imagine life before I knew him. This summer we will have been married 5 years, but it seems like we've always been together.

We went to our friend's house the other day to play games and no one would let Steve and I be on each others team because they said we can read each others minds so it was cheating. It is funny how we often just know what each other is thinking. It sure comes in handy when we are trying to win games, but I think it will come in even more handy when we both know we are on the same page raising children. I remember growing up how often my parents had very different techniques raising us and I feel like Steve and I will really make a good team. Neither one of us have bad tempers and we are both good decision makers and like to think our actions through before we "react." We're not perfect, but when one of us is having an off day, the other one is there to help out. Though we sometimes disagree we rarely ever have an argument and we definitely never cause a scene in front of anyone, especially children.

Being that I was a nanny for several years and had to be officially certified by the state, I tend to have the no spank policy. Steve wasn't 100% convinced that children should never be spanked for any reason, but he agreed that it should only be used for extreme situations. After watching the "Super Nanny" television show, he understands that using other methods besides spanking is far more productive. We don't plan to use spanking in our home as a means of punishment or discipline. I've talked to Steve about a book I read called "Parenting With Love and Logic." It is a very interesting book about discipline and setting consistent boundaries with children. Steve and I talk about our boundaries and expectations often and I know that we are on the same page which will make it easier to be consistent with children. As future parents, I think we will have a huge advantage over parents who don't have as much time to plan and communicate about how they will raise their children. Many people don't have the opportunity to have as much time as we have had to really focus on these things. This is one blessing that infertility and adoption has awarded us.

Last night we made dinner together and cleaned up the kitchen and then we talked about planning for Steve's graduation party. My brother does web designing and all kinds of artistic design, so I am going to have him surprise Steve will an original graduation announcement. Steve's family will be coming to visit us for his graduation so it will be really fun to have them here. We were also talking about planning our vacation in Texas after graduation. It was fun to put together the different things we would like to see and plan out the trip. We still have some research to do and reservations to make, but it is coming along. I love to plan parties and trips. One of my best friends (who happens to be older than my mother) is going to help me plan Steve's graduation party. It should be fun!

My friend will be 68 years old this year. I can't even believe it. She looks like she is 52. A lot of people wonder why we are such good friends with our age difference and I have to admit that we are an unlikely pair, but we just fit together. She is like family to me. She treats me like her daughter and Steve like a son. Her family and my family both live out of town so we have kind of adopted each other. We both like to do a lot of the same things and we work together so we are around each other a lot. She is a very generous person and is always doing kind things to let me know she is thinking about me. She knows I like Tinkerbell so last month when I was down with a bad cold, she came to my house and brought me dinner and some really cozy Tinkerbell pajamas. She does things like that for me all of the time. It is so wonderful to have friends like that that you can count on. Her husband is the same way with us. He calls me at work to tell me happy birthday and gives us hugs when we visit and makes sure that we always have somewhere to be on holidays. They can't wait for us to have a baby in our family so they can be "grandma and grandpa."

Saturday the magazine for San Antonio that I ordered came in the mail so I've been thinking about taking a trip there with Steve. There are so many fun things to do in that area. I want to see the Alamo and the different missions. They have Sea World and Six Flags and then just a couple hours away is Corpus Christi and the beach. I'm hoping that we will be able to go in May for a graduation present for Steve.

Of course, I know if a baby comes, plans will have to change. That is definitely a change I will happily accept!

Yesterday at church, my friends sang a really beautiful song. I love listening to her sing. I usually sit in front of her during church so I can listen to her sing and we can harmonize together. Music is one of my favorite parts about church. One of my other favorite things to do at church is to draw with my finger on Steve's leg, "I LOVE YOU." It is a tradition that I do that every Sunday after the prayer. He always does it back to me. It is the little things that really help strengthen our relationship. He is so sweet to me.

I have to laugh when Steve talks baby talk to our little dog. He tells him how cute and silly he is and he gets him all excited and running back and forth full speed.

Yesterday Steve and I decided to make our own new creation in the kitchen. We got a pork loin roast and put Asian hoissen sauce on it, then we added some raspberry jam and raspberries and we roasted it for about 4 hours in the oven. It turned out so delicious! I love cooking with him. Sometimes we tease each other that Chef Gordon Ramsey (from the TV show Hell's Kitchen) would be proud of us. We also made peanut butter rice krispy treats for dessert. Yummy!

The other day, my aunt told me about this cute little book that her daughter loves. It is called "Fancy Nancy and the Posh Puppy." The story includes a little dog, just like ours. I bought it and it is really the cutest little book about a little girl that wants a puppy. I'm glad I have it to add to our children's book collection. We have quite a few fun books now.

I can't believe it is a new month. This month I will be celebrating my 31st birthday. I'm already starting to feel old and behind my friends who mostly have 2-4 children already. I try to stay positive, but wanting a family is almost always on my mind and has been for quite some time.

Steve has been busy finishing school as this is his last semester before he graduates and becomes an official attorney. He has been busy working at the law office and also working in the law clinic at school that gives legal services to people who can't afford attorneys. In addition he has been practicing and going to trial competitions. He just got back from California on Monday. Still, even with being so busy, he always finds time for me.

This past year we've been able to travel quite a bit. I went to Oregon twice to visit my family, once when my mom was in the hospital and another time when my grandmother passed away. Normally I visit on much happier occassions. Steve and I went to Utah for his brother's wedding right before Christmas. We've taken a few weekend getaways to different towns in Missouri to see all kinds of things like an Art Museum, a sunken paddle boat museum and different festivals. We also decided to take a long road trip to New Orleans. We had never been there before so we thought it would be a lot of fun. Since the drive was long, we planned a few stops along the way there and on the way back. We stopped in Memphis and toured Elvis Presley's house, Little Rock Arkansas to see the governor's mansion and capital, Jackson Mississippi to see the state capital, and we went to the capital building and bomb memorial at the federal building in Oklahoma City. It was an amazing and very full trip. Of course being the scrapbooker that I am, we took lots of pictures and I kept lots of notes on what we did and saw and put it together in a nice book.

The year before Steve had a conference in Washington DC so we got to go there and tour. I can't even believe how much there is to do in that city. We went from place to place from dawn to dusk and took hundreds of pictures. I was very pleased with the scrapbook from that trip. It was also fun because there was another couple that we went with so when Steve was in his conference, I was able to go do things with my friends and then he met up with us later.

I know that once we have a child, we probably won't get to travel quite as much, or at least not at such a fast pace, but I am ready for the change. I feel that our lives are like changing seasons and every part of our lives have good and bad and we need to be flexible to change and enjoy the season that we are in when we are in it. I have really enjoyed my single season, and my married without children season and I am ready for my season with children.

If you can't tell, I really like to write my thoughts out. Maybe I should have been a writer. Actually, English was my best subject in school. I had all of my English credits for college done before I even graduated from high school. I figured I might as well get college credit while I was in high school if I was already doing the work. It sure ended up saving me time and money in college.

Steve and I decided to buy an exercise bike last month so we can try to be better about exercising, especially when it is so cold outside. We've been doing well encouraging each other to ride while we watch our favorite television programs. It is so much easier to exercise that way then jogging outside in the cold, that is for sure! The couple we bought the exercise bike from was so nice. They are foster parents and have adopted children themselves. They even invited us to stay for dinner, but unfortunately we already had plans.

Steve and I are so excited to be approved for adoption. It has been a long road trying to conceive and then realizing that it was not possible for us. I've always known deep in my heart that adoption would be part of my life, but knowing in your heart and then when it actually becomes a reality is totally different.

Now that we are approved, we have been trying to do everything we can to get ready. Our adoption case worker tells us that we turned in our paper work faster than anyone he's known. That is because we really really want children more than anything else. We are so serious about doing everything it will take to have a child and we put that as our first priority, just like we will make the child our first priority.

I've been trying hard to not get my hopes up too much and buying everything in sight for a baby. I know that family and friends will want to have baby showers for us and I have to put off getting some things for the baby. I already have so many plans for the nursery though.

Steve and I have already bought a crib and a changing table as well as a car seat and stroller so we have some of the higher ticket items. I plan on stocking up on diapers as soon as we get matched with a birth mom.

We had one birth mom trying to decide between us and one other couple, but that didn't work out and we were very sad. I cried for quite a while, but I suppose it just wasn't meant to be. I think the birth mom ended up wanting to place her baby with someone who lived in the same town so she could go visit the baby more often. I really got to know her and even went to her house and met her. She was so nice and I know she felt really bad about hurting our feelings. I don't hate her or anything. I know there are so many good couples out there wanting to adopt and our time will come soon, when it is right.

Back to happy thoughts of the nursery...For a little girl, I have it all planned out in my mind. I have a friend who is an artist and promised she would paint a mural on the bedroom wall. I have a sketch of it drawn out in my journal at home. It will be like looking out of a castle balcony window with all the beautiful landscape. It will be like her bedroom is in a castle tower with fairies flying around and flowers and vines twisting around. I got a neat idea of how to make a really cool chandelier for the nursery.

For a little boy, I would like to do race cars with a mural of a giant black and white waving checkered flag. I've even seen the carpets that look like a race track that you can play and drive the little hot wheels cars on.

I have been keeping a baby journal of all of the things that I want to buy, all of the things I think about with adoption, and all of the things I want to do with our new family and the things I really want to make sure I teach our child. As time goes on, I will update this journal with some of those thoughts.