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We got a call from one of the obstetricians that received our letter. A baby was born today that the mom wants to place. She asked if she could share our information with the mom. We said, "Yes." The mom chose us.

We met our daughter when she was 1 minute shy of 6 hours old. I nursed her immediately. She did great. The hospital gave us a private room for the night and we will go home in the morning. Everyone at the hospital has been so wonderful to us. This is a truly wonderful day.

Sorted through all the old baby stuff today. Don't know when we'll get a baby, but we better be prepared. Everything was just thrown into bags as Aeron outgrew them and I had no idea what was where.

I sorted by size and season. I'm amazed at how many newborn onesies I have since Aeron was born in December. I really don't need to buy any clothes. Even if it's a girl, there's plenty of gender neutral stuff.

Kevin got a flat top today. I hate it when he does that. He has such beautiful hair. He does it when he feels a change is on the horizon. I asked him if he thought the change was a baby. He said he didn't know.

Sometimes I get bummed about waiting and worrying we will never be matched. Today I had a wonderful afternoon of doing the "waiting game."

We are doing a mass mailing in hopes of a referral to an expectant mom. Today I stuffed envelopes with a letter of introduction and a photo collage. I sent out letters to 114 obstetricians. Later I will send to nurse-midwives.

Our 2.5 year old was napping and my husband is in LA for the day. It was just me stuffing the envelopes. It was magical. I wondered if each envelope was THE one. Or would it be this young mom we heard about in another state. Or we've heard of babies in Pakistan. We've opted out of that opportunity because of the dangers of going to Pakistan. However, our neighbor from Morocco is going to talk to his friends from Pakistan...

Instead of fretting it wouldn't happen, I got caught up in the magic of where will my baby come from. Then I started singing to it. All the lullabies I sang to my son while I was pregnant. I am so sad that I can't sing directly to my next baby so when I sing to my son, I think of the baby and send it my lullabies. But today I just sang to my next baby. The feeling was the same as when I used to sing to my belly in the shower.

There was a part of me that thought how nice it would have been if my husband would have been here to share the moment. Then I decided no. He's a great guy, but he just doesn't get gushy about babies like I do. The moment wouldn't have happened if he'd been here. Also, I am the one who does the gestating in our family. I'm the one that sang to our unborn son in the shower and today I was the one who sang to our (presumably) unborn baby while I stuffed envelopes.

A much happier way to spend the afternoon than worrying about the whole thing.

In each letter I included the web address to this profile. I like that are multiple ways to network to try and find the person who thinks we are the right family to parent her child.

Today is my (Pam's) birthday.

Kevin asked what I wanted as a gift. "You mean besides a baby?" Aeron was born on Christmas and was the best Christmas gift ever. It seems like it would be fun to get the best birthday gift ever. Of course, I'd be more than happy with the best gift on a Monday or a Tuesday or...

This morning was my "busy" morning at work. I was gone two hours. While I was gone, he and Aeron went to the Chocolate Iguana. They got me a piece of cheesecake AND a chocolate scone. When I got home, Aeron was so excited he couldn't get the cheesecake out of the fridge fast enough to show me. Kevin attached a big candle to the outside of the carton and they lit it and wished me happy birthday. (Kevin avoids singing.) Then they gave me my present (a book called "Living is Learning.") They'd made me a card with pink and green drawings by Aeron and happy faces by Kevin. Kevin got off work early and came home with a dozen roses. We went out for Mexican food.

Lots of birthday greetings from friends and family, but I must admit the most surreal are the computer generated greetings from the online forums I frequent when Aeron's asleep. (How funny to get lots of greetings from computers.) Everyone from adoption.com to mothering.com. The one that made me laugh, though, was the one from ikeafans. I'd gone to their site once for info on drilling holes in a sink and now they've sent me a birthday greeting. Too funny.

photo to come

We took Aeron to Chicken Bus Hill for the first time this evening.

We used to take the older kids there all the time. It started when we sent them on a treasure hunt one Christmas. At the end of the hunt was a rusty old wagon sitting in the chicken coop. We intentionally bought an old one because it means so much more to work on something than it does to just be given it.

Kevin and the kids sanded it and painted it red, purple, black, and yellow. On the sides they painted it's name. "The Chicken Bus" in yellow letters. On one of our many nighttime walks we first road "the bus" down the hill underneath the major road by the university. It became a favorite family destination. We even took our friends and their kids there and we'd take turns riding "the bus" down the hill.

So Aeron got his first ride down Chicken Bus Hill. It was just the three of us. So many more rides to come.

Photo coming soon

Today we picked peaches and apples at a local orchard.

photo to come

Tonight I'm going to see "Mama Mia." (Ok, I've done it, I've admitted in public I am an Abba fan.) This is one of the few times I'm going out "with the girls" without Aeron since he was born.

One of the advantages of having kids at this time in life is we've been around enough to know that life goes in phases. I had the "live in the middle of the desert for 4 years phase," the "single female homeowner" phase, and, of course, "the college phase." Now we have the "baby at home so can't go to the movies or anywhere else very often phase." We know this phase is short. Frankly, too short. So it's not that big a deal that Kevin and I have only been to the movies a few times in the last year. (Didn't see any movies the first 18 months.) We've had plenty of opportunity to go to movies before and we'll have plenty more as the little ones get older. Right now Aeron needs us, so we plan our fun around him.

We are fortunate to have a great babysitter when we need one. (Usually one or two Sunday matinees a month.) We've been friends for 10 years. She's as into safety as I am and she loves little kids. If I'd let her, she'd probably pay me to let her watch Aeron. Plus she lives a block from the movie theater. Aeron loves going to her house. He especially enjoys playing with the big boys and they love playing with him.

Tonight, though, Aeron gets to have special time with just Daddy.

And Mommy gets to watch a chick flick with the girls.

This photo is of Aeron and our babysitting friend's boys.

Kevin took our cattledogs, Carpark and Java (pronounced Hava) whitewater canoeing today. He just called and is on his way home. Aeron and I stayed home with our other dogs, Marta and Emma. It was an overcast morning and I think the temps were only in the 80s. Aeron and I played outside this morning. It’s been so hot (over 100) and humid that even in the mornings it’s been too miserable to be outside. He’s had terrible cabin fever. During the cool months we’re outside for hours every morning until we go to our activities.

This morning Aeron played with the hose for the longest time. The environmentalist in me felt a bit guilty, but I rationalized that all the water goes to the mesquite tree (about 20 feet tall. We planted it in 1997.) And the tree helps keep our house cool.

So, why 4 dogs. Pretty insane. We had Emma and Carpark. Then I was grieving because I was sure that, at the age of 42, I would never get pregnant. I figured if I couldn’t get pregnant, the least I could do was give a homeless dog a home, so we got Marta. But she was so young and playful and our aging dogs wouldn’t play with her so we brought in dog #4. Was only supposed to be a foster dog, but I fell in love. I asked Kevin if we could keep him and he said, “I knew that would happen when we agreed to foster.” I asked how he could agree to foster if he new it meant four dogs. Four dogs is nuts. He said, “Because I’m a nice guy.”

Then I got pregnant. So now we have 4 dogs and a toddler. Can’t wait to add a baby to that.

Here's a photo from our last family canoe trip. Aeron wanted to paddle. Carpark's a great adventure dog.

Went to the children's museum. He spent a long time playing in the submarine.

I made Aeron yogurt popsicles. He calls them “fwozen yogwits.”

No popsicle photos. Here is Aeron in San Francisco at a Thai restaurant. He is drinking fresh coconut milk right out of the coconut.

Kevin went to Nevada for 3 days. Aeron and I are in Phoenix visiting Grandma and Grandpa.

My dad is pulling Aeron on a blanket through the house.

In a motel somewhere east of Los Angeles. We decided to leave San Francisco late and travel late since it was cool there. It’s hot here. It took us a long time to find a highway motel. We didn’t want to have Aeron traveling this late. Who new we wouldn’t find a motel. But he did great. It helped that everywhere we looked there were fireworks. We got a much better show than if we had just sat at one place.

(The next morning Kevin took Aeron swimming in the motel pool. Afterwards they rinsed off in the room's jacuzzi.)

We head home tomorrow–back to the oven. Aeron is excited to be going home. When he talks about home, he occasionally mentions the dogs. Mainly he talks about his balance bike.

Had dinner at a tapas place. Aeron loved the fruit fondue. Here he and Mommy pretend they have mustaches.

We did the 49 mile scenic drive around San Francisco. We timed it so Aeron would sleep through most of it. Kevin and I had a blast. It was like all the road trips we ever took before Aeron came along. When we could just dawdle on the scenic roads with books on tape to entertain us.

Aeron and I road the bus (he loved that) to Golden Gate Park and played at the playground. He went down the tornado slide all by himself. He was so proud.

Went to dinner in an African restaurant tonight. All kinds of food served on a spongy bread. I’d had similar food before when I volunteered at the national hostel office in Washington DC. No one else had ever tried this type of food. Aeron loved the lentil appetizer.

Arrived in San Francisco. We’re staying 2 blocks from the beach. There’s a playground at the motel and grass for Aeron to run on. We’ve been telling Aeron we’ll get to go to the beach just like the characters in one of his books. I asked if we should bring a ball to play with at the beach. He said no. Eventually he told me it was because the ball gets washed away in his book. (Though they do get it back.) Had Thai food for dinner. Yummy!

Today is Friday. We told Aeron on Monday that we would be driving and driving and driving to the beach. Each morning when we got up we crossed another day off the calendar. After a couple days he seemed to get the concept of one square equals one day. This morning when we got up, we looked at the next square that hadn’t been crossed out. I’d drawn a little car in today’s block. I pointed to the car and said, “What is today?” He said, “Go to the beach.” Well, actually today we drive and drive and drive and drive. Tomorrow we go to the beach.

We are going to San Francisco for Kevin’s work. They are working on an aquarium in Golden Gate Park.

On the Thursday before Mother’s Day 2005, I found out I was pregnant with Aeron. On the Thursday before Mother’s Day this year, the judge signed our adoption certification.

Today is my parents’ wedding anniversary. It is also the first day our profile goes online.

All these coincidences feel lucky.

I am so excited that expectant parents will get to read our profile. I so hope we can find parents that want their child to have what we can offer.

A baby. I have never been so fulfilled as I have since Aeron was born. He is no longer a baby. I love talking with him and playing with him. I so enjoy each moment we’re together. The advantage of having a baby so much later in life is there is the appreciation that comes with, “Wow. I really get to do this.” The thought of having another baby is just so exciting. My favorite part of newborn is holding their cheek against mine. Back in the closed adoption days, my parents were foster parents for newborns being placed for adoption. I was in high school. I loved the feel of a baby against my cheek. Loved it with Aeron. Am looking forward to getting to do it again.

In this photo, Aeron gets to practice Mom holding a baby. He liked it so much he asked her to hold the baby more.

Our attorney is:
Scott Myers
3180 E Grant Rd
Tucson, AZ 85716
(520) 327-6041

Thoughts on being a stepmother and becoming an adoptive mother.

Regarding the children I brought into my life by marriage, I told our adoption caseworker, "I am their stepmother, but they are my children."

Any child who I raise is my child. I have no need to qualify what type of child they are. My love for and devotion to my children is not based on how they came into my life.

Each child has their individual needs. Some hate potatoes so I don't force them to eat them. Some love construction trucks so I keep a lookout for them when I drive. In the case of a child I did not make, I must support their love and loyalties for the woman who did give them life. The decisions I make for them must take into account the family members that do not live under my roof.

I will never be "enough" for Ty and Aja or for our adopted child. No matter how much they love me, they will always need their connection to the mother who brought them into this world. Having lived a "step" life, I know how emotionally hard this can be. I also know how much I have done to support Ty and Aja's relationship with their mother. Over the years, I helped them buy her gifts for her birthdays, mothers' days, and Christmases. I had them call her when we were vacationing, when they got their report cards, and on special occasions, like when they first learned to ride a bike. Sometimes I had them call her just to say hello.

I have an adopted brother (from a closed adoption.) Raising an adopted child is different than raising a stepchild. The emotions of divorce originate in two people who can no longer get along. As painful as adoption is, its origins are two families wanting what is best for this child. It is my hope that we can work with the baby's original family to make sure it knows all the adults love this precious child. I want your/our baby to see us support and respect each other. Should you prefer to maintain a distance as your/our child grows, we will explain this with respect for your decision. We will also support your decision should you choose to have contact at a later date.

The photo here is of t-shirts I helped the kids make for their mother and their aunt (Kevin's twin.)

Why did we spell our son's name Aeron and not Aaron?

For fun we used to look at books that said what your personality would be based on your name. We were surprised that they seemed kind of accurate.

How could this be? Probably coincidence, but maybe it's a social feedback loop. Someone is named Eugene. People in our society do not associate that name with jocks. So, they buy Eugene calculators and not footballs for their birthdays. Eugene grows up with a great calculator collection, but has never touched a football. What are the chances that his name becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy? So, we figured we'd give our son a name that had a really good meaning--just in case.

We visited kabalarians which does name-based personality analysis. Here is what Aeron means via kabalarians:

* Your first name of Aeron has given you the vision and foresight to be able to organize others and to hold positions of responsibilities with poise and self-confidence.

* This name creates an optimistic outlook on life and favorable conditions in your personal affairs.

* You have the ability to express your thoughts and ideas, and you are friendly, likable, and generous.

Funny thing is he is very self-confident and loves to have things around him organized. As we said previously, he learned sign language at a young age and was able to tell us stories regarding what he was thinking--even at 14 months. At 27.5 months he actually said, "Do you see me standing on the sandbox?" What a long, complex sentence! He definitely has the ability to express his thoughts.

So, am I just a proud mother or does his name mean something? (Or both?)

Aeron is three days old in this photo.

You may have noticed there are no pictures and few references to our older children. They are not overlooked. Given their ages we have decided to offer them as much privacy during our quest as possible. They are wonderful with Aeron and will be equally kind and loving to their youngest sibling. We are including a photo of the four of us taken several years ago. Kevin sewed Pam’s dress and Pam sewed Aja’s matching dress.

We are very spiritual people. We believe that things happen for a reason, even if we don’t understand that reason until later (if ever.) In looking at some of the hardest times in our lives, we now see the grace that came to us because those events occurred.

We were blessed with a biological baby. He is a wonderful gift and the timing of his arrival was perfect. At first it was very hard to realize we probably would not make another baby. But because of our spirituality, we are okay with this. We accept there are spiritual reasons why we only have one biological child. We do not understand why you must make the hard choice of adoption or parenting. We simply believe grace will come from the hard spots we have each been through. We know we will love and be dedicated to whichever child is chosen to be ours.

As we have explored our adoption path, we realized the most important thing we want is for the baby's first parents to be delighted that we are raising their child. We will love any child that comes into our lives. What is important is that the parents that choose us be at peace with the life we will give their child.

We want you to want us to "wear" your baby. We want you to be thrilled that I will nurse it until it weans itself. We want you to "know" that we will always make decisions for your/our baby that are based in gentleness and respect for this child.

If you want to know where we got our information about our childrearing choices, please feel free to ask. I’m always reading to learn the best ways to parent (and everything else I do.)

During my 20 plus years as a Registered Nurse, I have been advising parents to consider "The Family Bed." When it came time for us to decide how we would co-sleep we read “Our Babies, Ourselves: How Biology and Culture Shape the Way We Parent”by Meredith Small and “The Baby Book” by Sears, plus others. I even emailed Jim McKenna, one of the top authorities on co-sleeping. In gathering information for adoptive nursing I have worked with a lactation consultant experienced with this and have been in email contact with Jack Newman, one of the top authorities on the subject.

As long as I’m discussing books, may I recommend “The Birth Book,” by Sears, and “Birthing From Within” by Pam England. Although I didn’t do the art stuff in Birthing From Within, I found the rest of the book to be the best preparation for giving birth.

I am including the following paragraph because I like to be upfront about the hard stuff.

As I said, we are very spiritual and believe things happen for a reason. Another book I just read is, “The Kid,” by Dan Savage. It is the true story of a gay couple that adopted a baby. It is a really funny book. However, when I read about the birthmom handing the baby to them I cried. Their joy was great and her grief was greater. She knew she was making the right decision, but that didn’t take away her loss. It made me think about how that moment will be for us. Will we ever know why this child came to you at a time when you could not parent? It seems so sad, yet we believe somewhere there is a reason. Somewhere there is grace. Once the baby is born and you know in your heart adoption is the right choice for you and the baby, you will hand us the baby. Whether you choose it to be with your hands or in a room without you, the handing over will happen. Although there will be tremendous joy for us, we will feel your sorrow. I know I will think about you so many times. Even as I write this, I cannot imagine the loss you will feel. We will only do this if you are certain this is the best choice for the baby. I hope you trust that we want you to be in your/our baby’s life. That is best for the baby. We hope that is best for you.

This photo is of our house now. We nurture our children the same way we nurture our garden.

In making this profile, we have thought about the type of information we would like if we were choosing who would raise our child.

The Dear Expectant Parent(s) letter is a good chance to introduce ourselves. We will use this journal as a vehicle for sharing other details. To the entries with more "adoption information," we will assign arbitrary dates to create a flow in a sequence that we hope is logical. After that, we will date the entries as they occur.

The photo on this entry is of our house when we bought it in 1997.