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Just returned back from traveling with my Mom and Dad to my Dad's sister. It is always great to my Aunt. She is so warm and kind. We just love her. She is getting ready to downsize and move from her Florida home to a smaller place in Georgia to be near her sons. So we were going through Family memories with her. So many pictures of her great grandkids, yes she has great grandkids. She had 4 kids and each of her kids had around 4 kids too! and now their kids are starting their families and have little ones. So sweet to the videos of my third cousins learning to talk and walk. It just makes me a little sad and also a little determined to some how find that little girl to make John and I a family. All my cousins have such lovely families and they really all love getting together and having fun.

We were going through some of my Grandmother's things that my aunt had. My aunt offered me my Grandmother's china and 4 vases that as a child I always loved. The sweet multi-color flower pattern will be great to use at my cottage. I just can't wait to use my Grandma's dishes. Such good memories. I really want to have a child to share and make new memories with. Hopefully, John and I can have what most people take for granted, "a family."

Today is such a sad day. We have been working with a great birthmother and birthfather a little while. They gave birth early to a beautiful baby girl. They sent us a picture, on April 8th the day she was born. So amazing. But, today came the dreaded call, they have decided to raise their baby themselves. It's not that we don't totally get it, and believe us they seem like such a nice young couple. They were so kind that actually called us and did not text us with the news we were dreading to hear. Difficult for them as well, I am sure. We are proud of them and wish them and their new, sweet family all the best. But, the pain and disappoint is just dulling. We have decided not to renew our home study when it ends in the end of June, as we have been trying to adopt a baby girl for almost 5 long years. We have only a little while and our journey will end with no baby girl. So totally unbelievable. Honestly, I just don't get it!!!

I am not giving up hope. I know somewhere out there there is a baby girl that needs us as her parents. To love her, nurture her, wipe the tears away on those bad days, support her, guide her, read to hear, hold her, keep her safe, provide her a life that will always be full of love and family. We are not giving up. We have so much love to give a little girl and such a very nice life to share with her. She would be the shining star in our life forever. Somewhere, somehow, someday, we will find her.

Hi: I'm in Florida staying with my parents. John is at home working and is very busy. I decided to skip out on a little winter. I have our 2 small dogs with me and they just love Florida. They always get so much attention down here.

I just love walking the beach and try and do it everyday that is possible. I always see all the families and the Mom's and Dad's with there kids. I just don't understand why we have been so unlucky with out adoption plans. It is honestly so disheartening. John and I would be such good, loving, and caring parents and we have such a nice life to offer a child. We are coming near the end of our journey. As I believe we have been in the program for almost 5 years. We will not be renewing our homestudy, so this is it. It looks like we won't get our little girl and we won't be parents. Unbelievable!!!!

Sorry for being so negative, but, this journey is certainly difficult and often heartbreaking. It's definitely all worth it in the end if you become parents in the end, but it you don't...well...Wow!!!

Merry Christmas!!! Spent the holiday with Leslie's whole family in Chicago. We were so glad that Leslie's Dad is doing better and was able to join us for Christmas. We really enjoyed our holiday. We always enjoy our time with our niece and nephew. They are the best and are growing up so fast. We did our annual pilgrimage to Winter Wonderland with them and their friends. As soon as we arrived they asked, " When do we go to Winter Wonderland?" We love them and so look forward to child of our own to do all of those wonderful Christmas things. Christmas is always a little sad in that we still don't have a little one to share it with. Looking forward to the new year and the new possibilities it will bring.

It's been a while since I entered an entry in this journal. But, much has come to pass. Today, is Thanksgiving and our family has much to be grateful this Thanksgiving. My father, had a complication and had to have an emergency surgery. He is recovering and should make a full recovery. Life is so fragile and our time with loved ones is so short yet we don't always realize and appreciate all the time together. I will have to say that our family is close and we do enjoy our time together always. But, today we really seemed to realize the meaning of Thanksgiving.

While we were attending to my father in the hospital. We received some very sad news. We were working with a birthmother for 5 months and she had decided to allow us to adopt her baby girl. We were so excited and already thinking of the future. Tragically, something went wrong and the baby did not make it. We are devastated for her loss and ours too! But, honestly our hearts were so sad for her, and the undeniable pain she was suffering. We felt a little helpless in that we really couldn't do much for her to ease her pain. We told her stepmother that we are here for her if she needed us. But, beyond that we all just have to grieve for the loss of sweet little girl.

As for us the search for our baby continues... and we hope to share many more Thanksgiving with my Dad.

Spent the weekend at our cottage it was our 16th wedding anniversary. Went into Chicago for the day and took the dogs. Watched the air and water show from a restaurant. Really cool to see those jets fly through the city in between the buildings. Sunday was not quite warm enough for the beach so we played tennis and went to the Farmer's market for fresh vegetables and the best grilled cheeseburgers ever, served with corn on the cob. Really fun, the dogs love to eat small pieces of soft burger buns. It's almost as good as a" pizza night" to them. It was such a nice weekend, but, as always it would be so nice to share it with a child. We so want to be a family and honestly we have so much to offer at this point I am truly puzzled by what birth mothers and birth fathers are actually looking for... I have spoken with so many birth mothers and even quite a few of birth fathers. Most have very difficult and hard lives and are just trying to keep their heads above water and they want to do the right thing by their current children, as most have children already and know just how hard it is to raise their kids. Some seem so overwhelmed. You want to help them and give them advise, but, you know you really can't because they think you have some agenda. At some point it truly becomes not about wanting to adopting their child anymore, it becomes more about giving them guidance which they seem to so need. John and I are are older and have lived a lot of life already we are ready to raise a family. We are patient people who enjoy spending time together. I have had some people say to me, you seem too perfect. This really kind of blows me away, we are a very happy grounded couple who want to love, nurture, raise, educate a child as our own. I really do believe that love will conquer all and I am still hoping that is true. We had some action this past week, and once again we were very hopeful, but, for some reason nothing ever seems to work out for us. It's all very disappointing at this point.

Just returned from a great visit with my brother and his family. John and I so enjoy our visits with our niece and nephew. It is always so sad leave, but, also, so great to spend a special time with them. We look forward to our own family some day. Our new kitten Phoebe is getting big, not a baby any more. Wow! they grow-up so fast. Enjoying watching the Olympics with my brother's children. They watch and dream, it is so great to see.

Hi! It's the Friday before Father's Day!! Once again we are both reminded of another Father's Day without a family. These days are always rather sad for both of us, as we are not parents. Recently, we connected with several birthmothers that we thought, "maybe one of these will be the one" ? A couple birthmothers we really had great hopes for and seemed to really connect with them. Then...nothing... we e-mail them and no response...not even," a we changed our minds or we decided to go with another couple," just nothing... The silence is very difficult. We are at our lake cottage this weekend, a super great place for kids. So sad as we have so much to love to share with child. We are still hopeful, but, the longer the time the less we believe this will ever happen for us. We are both a little discouraged, but, don't want to give up hope. Even if it is just a glimmer. Happy Father's Day!!!

A beautiful day today and many families were on the beach enjoying themselves. I love to walk and see all the kids and parents having fun, building sandcastles, playing in the surf. A mom caught my eye, she was under a very large umbrella, obviously taking a moment away from the day to have a moment with her daughter. She was holding the little girl who was wrapped in a towel like cocoon. The mother was reading a book to the little girl who looked like she was just about ready to have a nap. Sometimes in life it is the most simple moments that are the best.

Walking the beach in Florida today. I was finding a lot of beach glass which I couldn't help but, picture John and I walking down the beach with our child looking for beach glass and shells. I saw many families on the beach enjoying the beautiful day. All I can imagine is swimming with our child, making sand castles, enjoying a lunch complete with lots of lemonade and cookies. Perhaps we would end the day with a big bonfire on the beach toasting marshmallows and making smores. We have so much to love to give a child.

Valentines Day is upon us. I sent out Valentines Day gifts to my french friend's kids. I stuffed gifts and candy in V-Day bags. It was fun to put it together for them. As a kid I always loved Valentines Day. I remember my Dad always brought gifts and candy home for us kids and my Mom. We just couldn't wait for him to get home. My favorite gift was a white bear clad in red Valentine attire. I named him appropriately, "Val," not really original, but, I loved that bear mainly because it came solely from my Dad. I can still picture him. I hope that someday we will have a child of our own to buy and surprise with all the fun Valentine goodies that memories are made of.

John, I and our dogs, Daisy Marie and Lilly are enjoying our trip to Florida. The weather is warm, but, not quiet beach weather, but, we are having a great time anyway. Visiting with friends, eating meals with our dogs outside. The only thing missing is having a child to share all of our life with. We have so many hopes and dreams for a child. We just hope a birthmother will find us soon.

It's a snowy night here. We had dinner in and we are just relaxing, watching a little T.V. with our dogs. They are asleep now and look so sweet and peaceful all while it snows outside. I love these kind of cozy nights at home. We are still hopeful that we will someday have a child to share with them. As they love kids. It seems like when Doobie sees a baby she looks at me sometimes and says, "why don't we have a baby?" Well, we keep hoping

Well the journey continues... We have been talking seriously with 2 birthmothers. One who is having a baby in 6months and one who already has given birth to a sweet and adorable girl. The other day the mother with the little girl contacted us that the father has come back into the picture and she will keep us posted. Today the birthmother who is having a baby decided she is going with another family. I have to be perfectly honest. We have been going through this process for so long that I am personally devastated. It just never works out and I am so tired. My husband and I started this journey 3 1/2 years ago really hoping for a baby to start our family. We never once thought that we wouldn't have a family. We were so optimistic, but, now we are older and perhaps it won't happen for us. We don't want to give up , but, we realize that at some point we have to quit and give up. We still believe our little baby is out there somewhere. At least we hope so...

Driving home from our Christmas festivities with Leslie's family. We always have such a great time. It is hard to leave. We enjoy our niece and nephew so much. The dogs also, had a great time as they love a party and love spending time with the kids. Daisy Marie gets depressed when leaving and honestly so do I. Lots of snow on our drive home winter is here. Looking forward to New Years eve!

Merry Christmas! Last night we spent Christmas Eve with Rob's wife's family. We couldn't help watch all the kids running around in the totally carpeted basement running and playing in their Christmas finery. We had always hoped to add another cousin in the mix, but, we are not so sure this will happen for us. Many recent contacts, but, we never know. Hopefully, next year, although we have been saying this for awhile now.

Today were are spending Christmas with Leslie's brother and his family. Leslie's parents are with us as well as Leslie's brother's wife's mother and her friend. We were all up early to watch the kids open their gifts followed by a big brunch made by Leslie's brother. The afternoon is a time to hang out and for the kids to enjoy their gifts. John and Leslie's nephew are glued to the video games on the big screen. The dogs are beat and are fast asleep. There is a big Christmas dinner planned with all of the fixings. Prime Rib is the Christmas day tradition. The adults are all looking forward to dinner and the kids are mostly interested in the desserts. Have a great Holiday!!!

Hi, It's a snowy morning here and Christmas is near. I am checking my e-mails as I do every morning. My two little sweet dogs are asleep on the sofa next to me. It's peaceful, but, I can't help but think about spending another Christmas without a child. Every year we are so hopeful , but, once again here we are...childless at Christmas. We have been on this journey for a very long time. When we started the process we were sure that we would have a family very soon. But, now we are not sure it will happen for us. We are still not ready to give up on our dream of having a family, but, I know that at sometime we will have to retire our dream. For now we wait.

It's been a long time since we have written in our Journal. We have been very busy. We traveled to France in September. We stayed with friends in Paris and then traveled to Strasbourg to spend some quality time with close friends and their children. John was able to Golf with our friend's son, Sacha in Strasbourg. We really enjoyed our time with them as always.

Leslie(I), has been busy working with her clients designing a baby girl's nursery and a Playroom/guest room. I really enjoyed designing the room. We made it really fun and bright.

John too, has been busy working as an attorney, but, was able to take some time off to spend Thanksgiving in Florida with my parents and our friend.

All and all life is good, but, we can't help but miss the little one we so always will dream of raising. So we will have to wait and see what the future brings for us.

Opened up the cottage for the season. Daisy Marie and Lilly love the cottage and they especially love , "Pizza Night" on Friday night. It's always good to be back at the cottage. Let summer begin!!

Another Mother's Day goes by.

Yesterday was Easter! Enjoyed the festivities with an Easter brunch with Friends. Loved seeing the little ones in all of their Easter finery. Too cute, but, can't help but, hope that next year we have a little one to dress up and make an Easter basket for. We did put together 4 Easter baskets for our niece and nephew and our French friends. We both put together special things for each child. John addressed the boys and I addressed the girls. Too much fun, but, not the same as having our own child to enjoy all those Eastery things like coloring, decorating, and finding eggs. Which I always loved to do as a child. I remember when I was very little that I saw a real bunny outside before Easter. I also, remember finding some chocolate eggs on the side pathway of our house. I thought it was so magical, the Easter bunny must have left those eggs and I can wait till Easter. Now as an adult I think perhaps my parents must have dropped those chocolate eggs outside, but, I am still not sure...

Had a big week and weekend. Attended a NBA basketball game on Wednesday. Our friends Tracy and Mike took us. Wow! We had floor seats, so cool to be so close to all the action. We lost but, it was way too much fun anyway. Went to the National Auto Show with our friends. John loves his cars.

Today, Sunday we are enjoying a quiet snowy, cold winter day at home. It's pizza night and the dogs love pizza night. We and our dogs are looking forward to going to Florida in February to escape the cold.

It's a new year with new hopes for a baby girl. We were contacted by a Birthmother's mother in December about a possible baby girl to be born in March. We were so excited and hopeful, only to be hugely disappointed in the end. This process is so heartfelt and gut wrenching that it is sometimes difficult not to be disappointed when things don't work out. But, with promise of a new year brings new hope for having a family.

We had a great Christmas with at my brother's with all the family. Five full days of fun. Enjoyed the Winter Wonderland Festival with our niece, nephew and their friends. Wishing all the time that we had a little one to enjoy all the holiday joy. We returned home to spend New Year's with our closest friends, Leslie's parents, and our 2 cute little dogs at the local restaurant. Yes, we had a private room and the dogs were allowed to attend. Actually, the restaurant asked us to bring them. We all enjoyed, even the dogs!

What a weekend!! A friend of ours had an amazing Halloween Party on the 30th. She really out does herself every year. She decorates the whole house and about 100 people who have to dress up makes it a real bash. Every year we host a Halloween open house at our home on the actual Halloween night. Friends, family and neighbors, kids and even some dogs stop by. Most are dressed up and we even dress up the dogs in costume. It is such a fun time of year. We really enjoy decorating our house inside and out is Halloween. Now it's time to clean it up and put it all a way for next. Every year I hope to share this tradition with our little girl. Hopefully next year!

Looking forward to having my parents for the weekend. We are celebrating my Mom's Birthday this weekend. We are having dinner out and then enjoying dessert with friends. Hopefully my Mom will enjoy. Next weekend John's parents are both celebrating a big Birthday. So we are in Birthday extravaganza mode.

Just returned from spending long weekend in New York City. Stayed in the city one night on our own and with friends for the rest of weekend. We enjoyed re-connecting with friends. Had dinner with our friends Jeanine and Kenny outside at a cool Italian restaurant. Missed our girls, one table over they were dining with their dogs. Our friend Tracy is puppy sitting for us and she is so kind to send many photos of them having fun at her home. The next two nights were spent staying with our friends, Bonita and Kevin who recently relocated back to NYC. We so enjoyed spending time with them in their lovely home and definitely laughed too much. They all asked how the adoption process was going and our response is we are patiently waiting.

Returning home after a long weekend of fun. We went to visit my brother and his family. Celebrated my brother's B-day and my nephew's B-day. We always enjoy our visits. Brought the dogs too! Daisy Marie and Lilly really love my niece and nephew. My niece carries Lilly around all day. The weather was great. We were able to go the Cider Mill. Where we ate the best warm, sugary donuts and drank what my niece refers to as, " a cider slushy," too good! Went on a family ATV ride through the paths on their property, even Grandma went. Swam with the kids in pool and enjoyed many meals together. It is always sad to leave.

Labor Day, Woo! Woo! Had friends staying with us at the cottage. The weather could have been better, but, we managed to have a great time anyway. Walked the beach, too cold to swim. Played Tennis, and had a wicked game of pool. John was the star pool shark, who knew! Me, not so much. Ate way too much, but, I guess that is what holidays are for...enjoying. Looking forward to next week. We are spending the weekend with my brother, his wife, their two children and my parents. We are celebrating my brother's and his son's Birthdays.

Left for our cottage on Thursday. Friday, enjoyed a great day, played Tennis and went to beach. Took our dogs to our favorite outdoor restaurant to enjoy a yummy grilled dinner, steak, shrimp and veggies. Saturday went to the city for a Flea Market and lunch. Shopped all day... mostly the window variety. Ended the day with dinner at an outside restaurant with our dogs. Too much fun! Sunday, we played Tennis again, followed by a trip to our favorite Farmer's market with our dogs. Lunch at the market. Again freshly grilled food and fresh seasonal veggies. I just love all of the fresh fruit and vegetables this time of year. Really hot today in the nineties so back to beach for some cool relaxation. Now we are driving back home from the cottage. Looking forward to next weekend. Friends are staying with us at the cottage for Labor Day weekend. Hopefully the weather will be good. A busy week at home awaits us.

Celebrating our 14th wedding anniversary. We are really hoping that this will be the year that we are able to start our family. Much celebrating this week with friends and family. We are on our way to our cottage for a great weekend at the beach.

Hi!
A beautiful summer evening. Had dinner with our dogs and some friends at a nearby restaurant. We enjoyed a lovely summer dinner. I had the ona fish served with amazing summer corn, tomatoes, and a creamed avocado sauce. It was wonderful. John enjoyed a cod with cream sauce served with tomato and the most delicious homemade pasta. Really excellent food, friends and weather. But, someone asked us how the adoption was going...we hesitated a minute and said, we are waiting, praying and hoping it will be soon. Summer is going so fast.

Today is my Birthday! Celebrated at our cottage with John, the dogs and my parents. A perfect summer weekend, enjoyed the beach, played tennis everyday and had some nice meals with my parents. Still hoping to have a baby girl to take to the beach soon.

Just returning home from a weekend at our cottage. Played some tennis, but, mainly worked on some paint maintenance at the cottage. John prepped and painted the exterior and I painted touch up on the inside. Trying to get everything aced out for a big fourth of July weekend. We have some friends coming to stay for the weekend. We love the fourth of July at the cottage. The fireworks on the beach are amazing. Hopefully the weather will be great too! Really can't wait for next weekend.

Happy Father's Day! Still at the cottage. Played tennis with John. Too much fun!
Enjoyed a nice lunch together afterwards. Headed home now to start our work week.

Drove to our cottage yesterday. Extremely bad stormy weather. We were lucky. We had no storm damage and even had power. Our neighbors were not all as fortunate. Trees and power lines down everywhere. Today, though was absolutely beautiful. Took our dogs out to lunch for grilled burgers and spent the remainder of the day on beach. Such a fantastic day on the beach. We are so hoping to share our wonderful cottage and beach with our child. It is such a wonderful area to summer for children. So many children swimming and building sandcastles. We can not wait to share it with our child

Tuesday, June 8,
Today was a very stressful and frustrating day. I was speaking with a Birthmother, Lindsey, when my phone completely died. I have tried everything to get her number, but, unfortunately and a little unbelievably I cannot find her number. For some unknown reason her number is not on my call log and I have called my wireless service and they have no record of her calling. I could not call her back because I did not just drop the call the phone completely went black. I was unable to use it altogether. Apparently my old Blackberry is not keeping a charge. I only hope she will perhaps read our journal and either contact us by e-mail or call again. I feel so bad and hope she knows that I would never just hang-up on her.

Returning home from a great Memorial Weekend at our cottage. It's officially summer. Enjoyed the beach and sun, but, couldn't help, but, think that last year we were hopeful of having a baby on the beach. A year has gone by so quickly.

Today is a beautiful spring day. John, our dogs and I enjoyed a lunch at our favorite outside restaurant. After lunch we walked through town enjoying all the people, babies, kids and dogs taking in the sunny day. Bought flowers for the flower boxes and now we are barbecuing chicken kabobs for dinner. A perfect day to be a family!

Mother's Day is nearing. My parents and John's Mom are coming over for dinner on Mother's Day. We are going to barbecue. We so hope that next year we are celebrating with our baby and our families. Happy Mother's Day, to all Mothers!

Hi: It's Valentine's Day and we are still hoping to connect with a Birthmother having a girl. We are still hopeful, but, the long winter sort of prolongs the wait. Valentines Day was a special day in my house growing up. I can still see my Dad bringing home flowers and a heart shaped box of chocolates for my Mom and a very special white Bear for me, that I named, "VAL." We just cannot wait to be parents and share all of our love with our daughter. Happy Valentine's Day!

Today we begin our on line journey in hopes of connecting with a Birthmother. We are very excited of what the future and posting on this site might bring. Let the adventure begin.